Space Apple

An unidentified flying apple, from planet zoltar, came flying by earlier this afternoon. It leapt past heratio's desk. It leapt by Susan's steaming coffee. It leapt by my boss' meeting room, in the middle of a meeting. And now, you are asking, what did it do next?


Space Apple


In the far reaches of the galaxy, . . . there was an apple. This was no usual apple. It was green with a green like you've never seen. It glowed with green eco-plasmic laser weirdness. It was weird. [and my milkshakes almost gone.] "r-r-r-r-r-r-r-e-e-e-e--e-r-r-r-r-r--h-h-h-h !!" It just passed on by my head. "Cursed! That evil apple! I'll stop it's evil plot if it's the last thing I do." "Halt, Evol Apple in the name of the Law !!" "What Law was that you say?" " The Law of non-fruitiness," " for you are not an evil apple, you are an e-Vol apple. [I can't believe they put chocolate in the vanilla milk shakes.] I shall catch you and turn you into an apple burger." "What say you apple?" [apple - no reply] " . . . " "Well, then I guess we'll have to squeeze you and turn you into apple juice, if that will make you talk?" The apple turns after having paused to listen to the lawyer's advice, and then turns about to leave and travel swiftly on it's merry way. For the lawyer did not know that the apple was on a mission of communicating with other intelligent life on this particular planet. The banana. As fruit will talk with fruit, the banana has long been know for it's properties. Filled with potassium, and monkeys really like them, the lawyer should have known that the banana was so capable of communicating with other intelligent fruity beings. The apple began chasing down some beings of a strange type. They had long pointy ears, which flopped up and down when they ran. The apple paused a moment to take a gander at the strange beings. The apple said, "Arff!" It seems the apple was now talking with dogs. And not any kind of dogs, cute little fluffily ones. The dogs panted and waved their tales in anticipation of the apple's next word. "banana?" said the apple. And the dogs looked at each other and spoke in esp to the apple, "No." And with that, the apple concluded that they must not be the banana. So, onward the apple swiftly went, through the rest of the office and down the elevator to the next floor. Little did the next floor know what was up for them. Although, someone from the upper floor was busy calling everyone in the building to inform them of a dangerous apple on the loose flying through the building. Of course, it didn't make sense to the rest of the building, if you got a call from an office chitchat during a busy day, would you believe that there was a wild apple on the loose? I wouldn't either. Anyway, the apple made it's way down to the secretary's desk. The secretary just stared in amazement, or more like astoundment - she wondered if it wasn't some weird joke that one of the new reality t.v. shows had sceamed up, and wondered where the wires or remote control was for the hovering fruit. So, she just went back to pulling her papers out of her envelopes. And the apple just turned to look at the rest of the office. Many people were staring at this, paused in footsteps and wondering where this came from, some wondered who was behind it, others didn't know what to think. It was funny in a way. An apple, just standing there hovering, looking at the office workers, as if it were just another person there to check up on their work. The apple asked, "is there a banana here I can talk to?" in esp. None of the office workers on floor X answered. I guess they didn't talk Banana.
The apple turned and promptly left to seek all of the other offices in this building on planet earth. Soon word was getting more to the other offices in the building insisting that in fact an apple was circling the building! Of course, some thought it must be just a big office joke carrying itself down to all the office floors, but a few thought this was no laughing matter. They determined to seek out this apple conundrum and nip it in the bud, or the core that is. We'll call them The X squad. They were now made up of a band of X squad, fighters -if you will, who were determined to seek out and defend against unwanted fruit. One, we will call her, Apple Chopper, was trained in apple combat and came to work equipped with a blender and an apple peeler. Another calls himself Tonto. He defends all office workers from fruit that ride on horses, i.e. cars. And there is agent special double O double O. He actually doesn't do much, he carries a hamburger to ward off evil apples. Squadron Apple-O is trained to shoot on command, armed with a camera phone, she will quick-click any apple on it's way to the copier machine with intent to harm such apparatus. And finally, Squadron double O double O Mistery Clean, he is armed with floor cleaner . . . in case there are any contagions left from the apple's wake. All lurked carefully about the whole of the lower floors of the office building, waiting to grab an apple. The apple is fairly cunning though. He will not be stopped, as far as he's concerned. And, his mission is peaceful. What do they want with a harmless apple anyway? To the apple, people were just over-grown fruit. The apple moves happily on it's way, down to the last floor and out the door of the building, waving at the door man as he flew by. He spins around the spinning doors and out to the front of the busy street. No one seems to notice this funny little apple. I guess the over-grown fruit were all busy. Just then, the apple thinks of Luke Skywalker and the special forces he used to hit the ball, which looks like an apple, and so the apple "runs". He runs down the road, he runs down the corridors, he runs down the mini-mall. Then he stops to rest at an outside restaurant, underneath a canopy. He decides to rest upon the table. All that running has made him tired. A waitress comes by and notices the apple, and looks at it carelessly, and does nothing and moves on. It was a good rest for the apple. The apple is thirsty. It decides to go for a drink of water, from somewhere . . ."where to go?" the apple thinks to himself. "where shall I go to fetch a drink of water?" He turns and spies a large water fountain. He gather's himself and peers over the side of what seems to be a rock-covered ledge of some sort. He dips himself into the water, bathing into it’s delights. He splashes, he makes merriment with the water, and the water with Him. He kind of gets carried away with the fun he's having in the cool stream. We pan out visually at where he is. He's not in a large water fountain. He's in the ocean. The Bay to be more exact, but he does not know this, after all he's never been to earth before. Suddenly, he feels some funny things at his feet. "It feels like tiny little fish kissing at me," he Sais to himself, " I wonder if they would like to say hello?" So he dives shallow into the water and opens his eyes (so to speak) and views who is saying hello to him. It's jaws! Jaws would like to say hello to the little apple from outer space! He was inquisitive of his bright green glow! He thought he might have been a lighted fish! The apple replies, " No. I am not a lighted fish." and jaws swims off in disappointment. The apple finds himself upon the beach, sunning in the wind and weather, though only for a short while, he has to find a banana and converse with it. Meanwhile the lawyer is back at the office, or that is, he is on his way home, thinking about where an apple might hang out? Puzzled by the super wild day, he goes home and sleeps on it. "Tomorrow will be another day," He Sais. And, he reaches in his briefcase, for a banana. (to be concluded…)